stuck

so through a combination of my ribs not being completely healed, my bike not cooperating, and a general lack of foresight, i didn't go on my bike ride after all.  it was just too stressful to get everything together in time.  i might have been able to pull it off, but it wouldn't have been relaxing, so what's the point?

i did get my turkey fill via my friend theresa and her family.

today (friday)  i've done a lot of nothing.  i just finished watching Hellboy II and there was a line in it that really resonated with me.  this was, of course, further resonated by the fact that you don't expect a movie like Hellboy to speak any sort of deep truths to you.  anyway, the line was:

"does everyone in the world have to love you, or am i enough?"

that speaks to a pretty deep part of me.  even if it's never been asked, i feel like i have earned that question more than once, and surely will again.  i have yet to get to the root of my compulsive attention whoredom.  maybe not so much attention, more like approval and admiration whoredom.  one day, i suppose...

thanksgiving

so i had been in limbo about what to do about thanksgiving.  i have had one person say "my family really doesn't do anything, so maybe we can hang out,"  another says "well we should do something" (in the vaguest form possible), and one wants me to come let her cook for me, but she's going to make some crappy vegan excuse for a thanksgiving meal that i'm not going to enjoy, then she's going to take personal offense to me not stuffing myself.

the other option, of course, has always been just keeping to myself, maybe buying myself a pre-fab chicken (cause they're smaller) to finish off in the warmth of my apt.

so today it came to me;  i have 4 days off from work, i'm going to bike to the eastern shore and back.  it's supposed to be great weather, sunny, relatively flat.  i don't really want to go by myself, but i don't have anyone to go with me, so off i'll go.  it'll be good for me anyway.  screw all you people and the drama you bring into my life.  

i have a lot of catch-up planning, however, to get ready for this thing.  busy busy busy.  probably won't post before i head out, so see you when i return.

self

it is in our nature as humans to view the world as if it revolves around us. even if we are conscious enough to know darn well that it doesn't, we still can't help being trapped in our own viewpoint. after all, we only have our own eyes to see the world, really. even when we are witnesses to another's point of view, we are viewing their view, it is still in some way our own.

i read your blog and sometimes wonder if it's about me. i try and tell myself "nah, it's not about you. what? you think you're the only person in their life?" but i still can't help but wonder...

do you think i'm writing this one about you? well i am.

sleep

i've slept 10-11 hours both nights this weekend and it's felt great.  the broken rib(s) has made it hard to get any really good sleep lately, so it's good to finally be able to do some catching up.  of course, i fear that tonight i won't be able to get to sleep at a reasonable time to get up at 8:30;  i guess time will tell.

p.s.  why garfield is "s"ing and not "z"ing is beyond me...

city paper

if you haven't picked one up, my window is in the city paper, page 3. it's also on the website.

i was hoping they would get a shot of it before i took her down. they are, after all, almost right across the street.

clinton v. palin

hey ladies,

provided Obama didn't seek a 2nd term, would you support a 2012 election between Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin?  on the one hand, a woman v. woman election would be a huge step in a progressive direction.  on the other hand, it's that damn Sarah Palin...

eh?

music

i've been trying to narrow down my musical tastes into one cd's worth.  it's been incredibly difficult, but i've managed to whittle down thousands of songs into 20.

1.   The Almost - Southern Weather

2.   Big Wreck - Ladylike

3.   Metallica - All Nightmare Long

4.   John Davis - Have Mercy

5.   Until June - Sleepless

6.   Gogol Bordello - Wunderlust King

7.   Mars Ill - Sound Off

8.   Pigeon John - Do the Pigeon

9.   Kingston - One of These Nights

10. Mat Kearney - Renaissance 

11. Ben Folds - Bitch Went Nuts

12. Polarboy - Night Drives

13. The Honorary Title - Points Underneath

14. James Clay - Anyway

15. Andrew Osenga - All the Wrong Reasons

16. Discover America - Green Eyes

17. Apollo 13 - Hero

18. Joy Electric - The Ministry of Archers

19. Family Force 5 - Fever

20. Justice - Newjack

*whew*

part of me

part of me enjoys being single and casual dating.

part of me really wants to commit head over heels into someone in particular.

the fact of the matter is that i lean to the later, but i'm not sure if i'm willing to totally commit myself to someone until they are willing to commit totally to me, and last i checked that's not the case.

just don't think that because i look out for myself that you don't mean the world to me...

ribs

so you'd think having a couple fractured ribs and trying to take it easy would mean i'd be writing on here more, but alas that hasn't been the case.  if you are completely out of the know, i'll fill you in with the abbreviated version...  

i raced in an alleycat bike race on halloween.  an alleycat race generally consists of having to get to several checkpoints throughout the city, occasionally with tasks to accomplish at the checkpoints.   i'd never seriously competed in an alleycat before (i rode casually in one in san fran), and i didn't think i had a chance in hell, but by the 6th checkpoint (of 10) i was in first place with a guy from DC who had latched onto me.  at point 7 we had to drop our bikes, run down a ravine, up the other side, and back across the bridge.  as i'm running up the other side i step into an open manhole and hit my side against the metal rim.  i'm really lucky i didn't fall completely in, but i try not to think about that.  anyway, i get up, finish the race (2nd) and am really sore, but just suck it up.

i'm not getting any better by monday, i was actually hurting more, so i went to the doctor and he said i have a fractured rib, maybe 2.  here i am a week later and i still don't feel THAT much better.  he gave me pain medicine for it, but i really hate taking unnecessary medication, and i feel most medication is unnecessary.... i still have to pop a pill every day or so :-/

anyway, i'm going to try and catch up on my life and thoughts, it'll be over several entries, so as not to swamp you with one long dissertation.