i can't stand...

there are 2 people that i believe are potentially the most overrated people in the world. the first one is mark rothko. he highlights everything i find wrong with art, as he is considered a modern master for painting things like this.

and what rothko did to art, mies van der rohe did to architecture. while he has made some really cool furniture and a few cool buildings, he made it not just okay, but trendy to make all our buildings look like this.

thanks guys...

father

one of the reasons why i can't stand my dad sometimes: he says things like this (in relation to former bosses of his)

"she is possibly the laziest black woman i have ever met" and "emily; she was a lesbian, but she was a hard worker"

bleh.

grandmother

this is why i love my grandmother. she's not a liberal, she's not an environmentalist, she's not an advocate or an activist, but she says things like this

"i never had a fur coat. i didn't want one. i wouldn't wear one if i had one."

in other news, the magic of christmas is officially gone from my household. it's 11:58 am on christmas morning, my sister is in the shower, then my mom is going to shower, then my dad is going to shower, then i think we are going to eat? point being we haven't touched the presents yet. how stupid is that.

missionary

could they have picked out a worse title for this book?

fly fly away

so for as bad as flying can be around the holidays, my trip home was actually pretty pleasant, despite having to get up at 4:15. i showed up at the light rail just in time to get on, so i wasn't stuck sitting out in the cold. i have decided to take one of my bikes to leave at home, since i have so many, and i've always wanted to have a bike to get around kingwood on. continental's website says it costs $100 to check a bike. while my mom said she would cover the expense, i still thought it was silly, since southwest only charges $50. anyway, when i get to the counter the lady just charges me the regular $15 check bag fee because "it's not really that heavy." now that's obviously true, the bike and box together weigh 30lbs, 20lbs short of the "oversized" benchmark, i just didn't expect anyone to actually do such a thing.

after that i take my other bag of clothes, etc and make it through security in a reasonably expedient fashion, maybe 20 minutes? as my bag goes through the x-ray i get flagged for having my u-lock in the bag. apparently i could bludgeon the pilot or something. so they tell me i have to go check my bag. while this sounds like it could be a rediculous hassle, they had someone escort me out of security and told me to come back to that point after i checked my bag. i go tell the lady at the baggage counter about the situation and she doesn't even charge me for checking this bag, even being my 2nd "checked" bag. when i get back to security the guy lets me right through, no waiting in line. i was pretty impressed with the whole process... my dad says continental was just being extra nice because they crashed a plane in denver this week.

anyway, the flight itself was nothing to complain about, and now i'm safely in houston. it probably hit 70 today, i had to buy a pair of shorts with my other x-mas shopping because it's so warm. i'm sure i'll write more later, but that'll do for now.

antisocial

i've been feeling rather antisocial lately.  i don't really know what it is.  there have been several parties i've been invited to that i just haven't felt like going to.  i haven't been spending a lot of time at velocipede.   part of why i broke up with Kim was that i felt like i wasn't able to do all the things i wanted to do, including meeting new people, spending time at velocipede, going to parties, etc.  now i have the freedom to do so and i don't feel like doing it?  i blame the weather.

whatever the reason, i've decided it's no big deal.  i'll feel like going out more again and there will still be parties.  so for now i guess i'll just be content with being cooped up in my (fairly) warm little apartment.  plus when i'm lucky i get some company anyway.

spite

"is spite something that the lord taught you?"

RIP david

i lost a long-time climbing buddy this week.  this is my 3rd friend to be killed in a car accident.  you will be sorely missed david.

and everyone always tells me how dangerous riding my bike is...

awake

nothing like getting woken up at 9am (when you don't have to be at work until 1:30) to the loud banging noises of renovating the apartment above mine   *yawn*

dreams

so now that my ribs seem to be fully healed, i'm trying to throw myself head-first into my trials riding.  i can't believe it's almost been a year since i first decided it was something i wanted to try.  i could be so good by now, but i've just pissed away the time.  the avalon competition will be in jan or feb, and i'd like to compete, but i have a long way to go before i can even get on the courses, much less do any good.

i was just out trying to get over a wall and *almost* made it, then my foot slipped off the pedal and cracked my knee.  i had told myself before i went out that i should put on my pads and helmet, but then i decided i would just "take it easy."  i should know better than to ever believe that i take it easy with things like this.  i get out there, try to do a couple easy things, then spot something that makes me think "i bet i could do that"  and there i go, throwing myself at something out of my league.  i used to do the same thing with rock climbing.  it is great for pushing me and causing me to make myself better, but it's really working over my shins and knees... all because i'm too lazy to put on the pads.  *sigh*   you should all (like 3 of you maybe?) scold me if i don't wear my pads next time.

to make matters worse, i keep having dreams where doing these moves is really easy, like its second nature, and then i wake up and the next time i ride i'm instantly reminded how much i suck.  but before i was dreaming about riding i was having dreams about my dad, which are NEVER good dreams, perpetually frustrating, so i guess i'll take the bike dreams.

stuck

so through a combination of my ribs not being completely healed, my bike not cooperating, and a general lack of foresight, i didn't go on my bike ride after all.  it was just too stressful to get everything together in time.  i might have been able to pull it off, but it wouldn't have been relaxing, so what's the point?

i did get my turkey fill via my friend theresa and her family.

today (friday)  i've done a lot of nothing.  i just finished watching Hellboy II and there was a line in it that really resonated with me.  this was, of course, further resonated by the fact that you don't expect a movie like Hellboy to speak any sort of deep truths to you.  anyway, the line was:

"does everyone in the world have to love you, or am i enough?"

that speaks to a pretty deep part of me.  even if it's never been asked, i feel like i have earned that question more than once, and surely will again.  i have yet to get to the root of my compulsive attention whoredom.  maybe not so much attention, more like approval and admiration whoredom.  one day, i suppose...

thanksgiving

so i had been in limbo about what to do about thanksgiving.  i have had one person say "my family really doesn't do anything, so maybe we can hang out,"  another says "well we should do something" (in the vaguest form possible), and one wants me to come let her cook for me, but she's going to make some crappy vegan excuse for a thanksgiving meal that i'm not going to enjoy, then she's going to take personal offense to me not stuffing myself.

the other option, of course, has always been just keeping to myself, maybe buying myself a pre-fab chicken (cause they're smaller) to finish off in the warmth of my apt.

so today it came to me;  i have 4 days off from work, i'm going to bike to the eastern shore and back.  it's supposed to be great weather, sunny, relatively flat.  i don't really want to go by myself, but i don't have anyone to go with me, so off i'll go.  it'll be good for me anyway.  screw all you people and the drama you bring into my life.  

i have a lot of catch-up planning, however, to get ready for this thing.  busy busy busy.  probably won't post before i head out, so see you when i return.

self

it is in our nature as humans to view the world as if it revolves around us. even if we are conscious enough to know darn well that it doesn't, we still can't help being trapped in our own viewpoint. after all, we only have our own eyes to see the world, really. even when we are witnesses to another's point of view, we are viewing their view, it is still in some way our own.

i read your blog and sometimes wonder if it's about me. i try and tell myself "nah, it's not about you. what? you think you're the only person in their life?" but i still can't help but wonder...

do you think i'm writing this one about you? well i am.

sleep

i've slept 10-11 hours both nights this weekend and it's felt great.  the broken rib(s) has made it hard to get any really good sleep lately, so it's good to finally be able to do some catching up.  of course, i fear that tonight i won't be able to get to sleep at a reasonable time to get up at 8:30;  i guess time will tell.

p.s.  why garfield is "s"ing and not "z"ing is beyond me...

city paper

if you haven't picked one up, my window is in the city paper, page 3. it's also on the website.

i was hoping they would get a shot of it before i took her down. they are, after all, almost right across the street.

clinton v. palin

hey ladies,

provided Obama didn't seek a 2nd term, would you support a 2012 election between Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin?  on the one hand, a woman v. woman election would be a huge step in a progressive direction.  on the other hand, it's that damn Sarah Palin...

eh?

music

i've been trying to narrow down my musical tastes into one cd's worth.  it's been incredibly difficult, but i've managed to whittle down thousands of songs into 20.

1.   The Almost - Southern Weather

2.   Big Wreck - Ladylike

3.   Metallica - All Nightmare Long

4.   John Davis - Have Mercy

5.   Until June - Sleepless

6.   Gogol Bordello - Wunderlust King

7.   Mars Ill - Sound Off

8.   Pigeon John - Do the Pigeon

9.   Kingston - One of These Nights

10. Mat Kearney - Renaissance 

11. Ben Folds - Bitch Went Nuts

12. Polarboy - Night Drives

13. The Honorary Title - Points Underneath

14. James Clay - Anyway

15. Andrew Osenga - All the Wrong Reasons

16. Discover America - Green Eyes

17. Apollo 13 - Hero

18. Joy Electric - The Ministry of Archers

19. Family Force 5 - Fever

20. Justice - Newjack

*whew*

part of me

part of me enjoys being single and casual dating.

part of me really wants to commit head over heels into someone in particular.

the fact of the matter is that i lean to the later, but i'm not sure if i'm willing to totally commit myself to someone until they are willing to commit totally to me, and last i checked that's not the case.

just don't think that because i look out for myself that you don't mean the world to me...

ribs

so you'd think having a couple fractured ribs and trying to take it easy would mean i'd be writing on here more, but alas that hasn't been the case.  if you are completely out of the know, i'll fill you in with the abbreviated version...  

i raced in an alleycat bike race on halloween.  an alleycat race generally consists of having to get to several checkpoints throughout the city, occasionally with tasks to accomplish at the checkpoints.   i'd never seriously competed in an alleycat before (i rode casually in one in san fran), and i didn't think i had a chance in hell, but by the 6th checkpoint (of 10) i was in first place with a guy from DC who had latched onto me.  at point 7 we had to drop our bikes, run down a ravine, up the other side, and back across the bridge.  as i'm running up the other side i step into an open manhole and hit my side against the metal rim.  i'm really lucky i didn't fall completely in, but i try not to think about that.  anyway, i get up, finish the race (2nd) and am really sore, but just suck it up.

i'm not getting any better by monday, i was actually hurting more, so i went to the doctor and he said i have a fractured rib, maybe 2.  here i am a week later and i still don't feel THAT much better.  he gave me pain medicine for it, but i really hate taking unnecessary medication, and i feel most medication is unnecessary.... i still have to pop a pill every day or so :-/

anyway, i'm going to try and catch up on my life and thoughts, it'll be over several entries, so as not to swamp you with one long dissertation.

hair

so i keep losing hairs in the shower.  some of these hairs are grey.  nothing like your head not being able to decide whether to go bald or grey to make you feel old...

basement

every filene's basement i have ever seen has been on the 2nd floor.  is this an intentional irony or just a peculiar oversight in commercial planning?

Boombox

i want.

source: treehugger

football

offsides on the defense, false start on the offense...

why, ref, do you need to tell me whether it's on the offense or the defense, when the terms are already different depending on the side?  this has puzzled me for years.

i would also like to take this moment to bitch at television for not airing a single Tech game up here, despite us being #7 in the country.  I have seen sooooo many crappier games,  many of which are just as far away.  and i've seen pretty much every UT game.  now yeah i like watching UT, but they get EVERY game up here? (even back when they were #11) and we get NONE.  television, someone damn well better air the Tech/UT game at least, if not the Tech/Kansas game.

start wearing purple

so those familiar with self-proclaimed "gypsy punks" Gogol Bordello will recognize the call to don the historically regal color purple. Lead singer/songwriter Eugene Hutz has been proclaiming "start wearing purple" since their first single in 1999.

"start wearing purple, wearing purple
start wearing purple for me now
all your sanity and wits they will all vanish
i promise, it's just a matter of time"

well as of Sept 15th, Yahoo seems to have jumped on the purple wagon. They have launched a new campaign, "Start Wearing Purple," which is meant to capitolize on the color's association with "innovation and imagination." apparently it's also been the "official color" of Yahoo for some time now. the website, www.startwearingpurple.yahoo.com (it's not worth going to), is a smorgasborg of media; photos, video, blogs, all linked around the color purple (but seemingly nothing more).

as silly as i think this is, Yahoo can really do what they please in terms of launching a crappy ad campaign, but i do wonder about the legality of stealing the phrase "start wearing purple?" i don't know enough about copywrite law to know whether lyrics are protected property. *shrug* either way i don't think the campaign is going to last...

source: techcrunch

what a fool was i...

EEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLL.

apparently lauren thinks i think she is eeeeeevillllllllll.  if you missed what this original post was then i guess there's no meaning behind this.  sorry.

sarah palin debate flowchart

source: adennak.com

BGE

so i've lived in my apt for a little over two years now. when i signed my lease agreement, i was under the impression that all my utilities were covered in the rent. that said, i haven't paid anyone other than my landlord and comcast a damn thing for 2 years.

apparently i was mistaken. it seems that i am responsible for paying my electric bill. how this misunderstanding took place i'm not sure, it was so long ago, but fact of the matter is that BGE shows up at my apt last week to turn off my power. i wasn't home but my landlord (thankfully) bought me some time. they seem to think that it's time for me to pay up the almost a grand for the electricity i've been using for the past 2 years. while it's only fair to ask me for what is owed, how the HELL do you let someone get power for 2 YEARS before you decide to do something about it?!? i mean, really, i've lived places where if you miss a month, next month your power is out. if nothing else i would figure they would have reverted the billing back to the landlord??? obviously not, they just continued to think i've been skirting them for 2 years while in reality i had no idea it was even my bill to pay.

anyway, thanks to a huge financial bail-out from the gov't of grandmother, i can take care of this, but i'm still peeved. it's not like i didn't have the money to be paying all along, i would have just liked to know...

trashcan

sorry i have been gone for a little.  i have an extra trashcan, it was bought for me to go in my bathroom, but i refuse to put it there because i will never use it for anything, which means it will just fill with feminine wrappers and so-forth.  gross.

nuns

i heard this from a fargo-ian.

two nuns are driving through transylvania late one night. there is lightning on the horizon and moon is full. all of a sudden, a tiny vampire jumps up onto the hood of their car!

"ahhh!" they scream. "what do we do?!" asks the driving nun.
"i don't know!" says the other. "wait! i just remember i put holy water in washer fluid! hit him with that!"

the nun turns on the sprayer and soaks the tiny vampire, who starts writhing in agony. the wipers slide back and forth, but the tiny vampire hangs on, badly burned but now more angry than ever.

"what do we do now!?!" cries the driving nun.
"i know! show him your cross!" says the other.

so the nun rolls down the window, leans out, flips him the bird and screams "GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR!"

San Fran

i'm back from BikeBike in San Francisco.  For those of you out of the loop, BikeBike is a national (international if you count canada) conference of bike collectives.  I was one of 8 that went for Velocipede, the collective I help run here.  if you know nothing of velocipede, check out

www.velocipedebikeproject.org

anyway, it was a blast, maybe more later.  for now check out my pictures from the trip, the whole freakin city is one giant postcard.

BIKEBIKE!flickr

there's also a gallery of the critical mass and my visit to the California Academy of Sciences, so check them out too.

burn after reading

if you are looking for a movie about grown adults acting like children, this one is for you.  even if you aren't, it's still pretty darn funny, just know that it's completely carried by the performances.  it has to be, however, because the movie has no protagonist.  there is really no one to root for, so you have to be drawn in by sheer curiosity and entertainment.  there are people you might sympathize with more than others, but they are ALL idiots, and the things that they all strive for are either self absorbed, ultimately pointless, or both.  the only character in the movie who isn't cheating on, blackmailing, or killing someone else is a big-wig CIA head who calmly instructs his subordinate to "report back when... when... when it makes sense."

21

lately i've felt like, at 26, i'm learning how to be 21 again.  i'm doing much better this time around.

i had more profound things to say, but it keeps coming out as incoherent gibberish, so maybe i'll come back to this thought later.

angles

just in case you forgot, to find the angles of an isosceles triangle, first bisect the triangle into two right triangles, to find the first two angles (A), measure the new side of the triangle, then it's 

tan A = opposite side/adjacent side

if you don't remember what "tan" is it's tangent.  if you don't remember how to find the tangent, you aren't supposed to, you need a scientific calculator.

i had to re-learn all this last night to help a friend figure out what angles to cut some plywood to make a pyramid.  it was good for the brain but frustrating.

old people tattoos

so there are usually these 2 caveats when getting a tattoo. "this is something that is going to be on your body forever" and "it may very well look like crap when you are older."

while these are legitimate concerns, i was standing in line at the grocery store today and noticed that i kinda like old guys with tattoos.  there's just something about an old man in his flat-brimmed VFW hat, suspenders, and some gibberish on his arms that could have been a pin-up or a pirate ship, who knows now.

usually when we see someone older, or of any age, really, we tend to think of them only in terms of the age they are now.  we don't always remember that every old person was once as young, headstrong, and stupid as we are.  that's what i like about the old man tattoos, it reminds me that he wasn't born a crotchety 86 year old senior citizen, he was once young and rebellious too.

nothing really profound to take out of this, just a commentary.  *shrug*

i can see Russia!

"They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska." -Sarah Palin-

this has been used to defend Palin's "foreign policy experience" by numerous republican politicians and pundits. it's always good to hear someone from the same side of the fence realize the stupidity of thing. you know... i can see the moon from my front porch, well i must be qualified to be an astronaut!

Nebraska Republican Sen Chuck Hagel says of the issue, "I think they ought to be just honest about it and stop the nonsense about, 'I look out my window and I see Russia and so therefore I know something about Russia. That kind of thing is insulting to the American people."

damn right.

best of baltimore: velocipede

pick up a city paper (if you are here in b-more) and read our feature article in this year's best of baltimore!  it's the first article in the paper.  here it is online.

http://citypaper.com/bob/story.asp?id=16320

chevy volt

so for those who don't know, GM has been working for a few years on what promises to be the first full production plug-in EV in america.  it's going to be american.  it's going to be fully electric.  it's going to be awesome... right?  well here's the concept they gave us a couple years ago...

low-slung, sexy, muscular curves... a real head turner, especially with those glass side panels.  now chevy has revealed the production version, due out in 2011...

what???  it's a chevy cobalt.  it's a boring, slack-jawed yawn of a sedan with all the virile life stripped out of it.  what happened?  presumably GM realized that they needed to take the "safe road" in order to sell enough of these to make it "cost effective"... but what the hell GM? you've been taking the "safe road" for years on everything but the corvette, and your company is quickly losing ground in your own damn country, which you once had a huge dominance over.

i, for one, am highly disappointed.  there was a time when i thought to myself "i'll stick out this environmental activist gig for a while, as long as i have a better paying job by the time the Volt comes out so i can be first in line."  now, i don't give a shit.  while i understand this might be better for GM's failing bottom line, i consider it another blundered misstep in the "green" movement.  eventually companies are going to need to REALLY figure out (which some are just now discovering) that being eco-friendly isn't going to sell and it's not going to become a part of the american market, much less the american psyche, until it become COOL.  until it is HIP and TRENDY.  being environmentally friendly has been PRACTICAL forever, and that hasn't got us anywhere.  until very recently, eco-friendliness was looked down upon and teased in mainstream america.  "hippie" was a derogatory word.

we are just now seeing this start to change.  it's becoming cool to recycle, to shop at whole foods, to compost, to go to farmers markets, to bike to work.  you know why we are so tied to our cars?  yeah it's because of suburban sprawl and the fact that america has more land than it knows what to do with, but it's because for the past 50 years cars have been fucking COOL.  and the faster, louder, and more powerful the car, the cooler it is.  and until it's cool to NOT drive gas guzzling behemoths, hybrids, EV's, and hydrogen cars are never really going to take root.  and that's the plain fact about america, and about human nature.  if GM had made the car in the first picture, 40 year old men would be lining up around the block to check it out.  now it's going to be 40 year old men reluctantly dragged there by their wives to find a "practical" solution to the fact that they want to live on former pristine farmland in rural PA, 60 miles from work and every other amenity.

tesla motors has just started delivery on their first roadsters.  

this is a BRAND NEW company putting out their FIRST car, and they have a waiting list, several years long, of people who have put down full payments on their new electric sports car.  imagine what a success this would be if it had been put out by a company that is already renowned in the american market, like GM.  it would be the next corvette.  it might still be, time will tell.  

for now i'll have to set my vehicular aspirations back on the tesla... so long volt.  i hardly knew ye.

anna's

hey, so while i appreciate the comments (really), i know at least 3 anna's, so if i could get a last initial or something that would be sweet

the simpsons movie

i love the Simpsons movie.  anyone who hasn't seen it should make a point to do so.  i hadn't seen it since it was in theaters, and along with its numerous other social commentary, it's bit on Alaska has obviously become more poignant with the nomination of Palin to GOP VP

"welcome to alaska; here's $1000."

"well it's about time!  what for?"

"we pay ever resident $1000 to allow the oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty."

what is a blog for?

so in my last blog, i used it as a way to talk out situations in my life that i was confused, frustrated, or otherwise undecided about.  the problem with this is that i can't very well discuss certain things without revealing details that would further complicate the situation.  

for example (and this is just an example):  i am dating "katie."  i'm not sure if she's really right for me and i am debating whether or not to break up with her.  well i can't exactly write in my blog about it without her being able to come read it, then know i am thinking about breaking up with her.   oops.  there's always the situation where i've already told her everything that i would post in the blog, but then i don't exactly need to talk it out, now do i?  i've already done that.  besides, if i've told her my concerns, she's probably responded to them.  then i would be more likely to come discuss her responses and factor them into the situation.  i did things like that in my last blog.  it wasn't pretty.  people don't always want the things they tell you to then be revealed to everyone.

so that said, i have to decide what i want this blog to be.  is it going to be a place to debate situations in order to come to a conclusion, or will it have to be more of a place to come analyze situations already passed.  the later sounds less exciting, however might be the more feasible option.

of course this only applies to situations concerning other people in my life.  unfortunately that's where so much of my inner conflict resides.  guess we'll see what happens eh?

in other news, i have started to eat spinach on things.  those of you who know me well will understand how epic this is.

clean water action

for those who wonder what the organization i work for does, you should check out the website.

www.cleanwateraction.org

it just got overhauled and it's lookin good.

down, fido, down!

i've been going to yoga on what is becoming a more regular basis (up from the twice a year i used to... whether i needed it or not, right?).  i love yoga, not all the hippie third-eye oneness stuff but the physical aspects.  stretching, building muscle, relieving tension, all that good stuff.

 i do, however, hate downward facing dog with a passion.  it's probably one of the hardest positions for me because of my tight hamstrings, and yet it's probably the most common pose in every class i go to.  no matter what we do, it ends with chataronga to upward dog to downward dog, then just hang out there for a while.  it may be peaceful for others but it kicks my ass.  there are other positions that are also quite difficult for me, but i know if i get through that one set then we move on to something else, whereas with downward dog i just know it's coming back again and again.  i guess if i do it enough then i'll eventually get better eh?

some kind of hero

so it's inevitable that you are going to wonder where the name comes from.  it's something i've tossed around for a while.  not quite as long as wearyourtruth, but a while.  i took a class in college  entitled "intro to contemporary music."  part of the curriculum was composing original music on a midi keyboard program.  i came up with s.k.o.h. as a "name" for those projects.  i've long had aspirations of being a musician, but i don't have enough stick-to-itiveness to overcome my lack of natural talent.  

i was telling my friend theresa last night that i tried to learn the guitar, but my fingers could take learning the guitar or rock climbing, not both.  now that i'm off climbing for a while, it would make sense to pick it back up again, but ultimately i've learned that the only things i really become good at are the things that are enjoyable as a journey and not just a destination.  when i was teaching myself how to build/maintain bicycles, i enjoyed the whole process, even early on when i didn't know a damn thing.  rock climbing was the same way, and, most recently, trials riding.  the same cannot be said for music.  i can't stand sucking at playing an instrument, it is no fun for me at all.

why this discrepancy?  who knows.  it's one of those things that will come to me on a random occasion in a random location and then i'll come home and write about it in a blog.  stay tuned, i suppose.

anyway, i don't have much to say about what 'some kind of hero' means.  i'll just leave it at an accurate example of how i often relay myself to others.  half self-depreciating, half self-aggrandizing.  we'll see if i ever live up to the truth of the name.

nothing in common

i do my best thinking in the shower.  don't really know why, probably has to do with the isolation... no distractions.  if only there was a way to blog in the shower.  things never come out as well the second time around.

that said, i've had several people recently, and numerous people since i moved to baltimore, who seem to have no interest in getting to know me or spending any time with me because we "just don't have that much in common."  this has frustrated me for a while, and i had yet to put my finger on exactly why this bothered me so much.  truth is, moving to baltimore from lubbock was a choice i made to grow, to learn, to expand myself as a person.  i have met so many interesting people here who have lived very different lives than my own, and they fascinate me.  

i recently met someone who has scars all up and down her legs.  she initially told me she got them from mowing the lawn in a bikini and hitting some buried barbed wire.  she later told me they were from when she was extremely depressed and was mutilating her body.  now, and this is not meant to belittle the sadness of such a history, but i find that SO intriguing.  not only am i blown away by that sort of experience in someone's life, but also someone who comes up with such a crazy story to cover for it.

i have another friend who, among other things, strips at the hustler club for extra money.  she continually fascinates me with the words she says and the things she does.  i just want to pick her brain apart and understand how she ticks.  my sentiments seem to rarely be shared, however.  while i find myself drawn to those unlike myself, i seem to continually find people who are drawn to those more like themselves.  so much for an "open-minded" liberalism.  "oh, you're from texas and think that jesus guy was on to something... i'd rather just not have anything to do with you."

but "open-minded" liberalism is a whole 'nother conversation.

2 new reasons to love ben folds

"son look at all the people in this restaurant

what do you think they weigh?

and out the window to the parking lot

at their SUVs taking all of the space

they give no fuck

they talk as loud as they want

they give no fuck

just as long as there is enough for them"

"smile

like you've got nothing to prove

no matter what you might do

there's always someone out there cooler than you

i know that it's hard to believe

but there are people you meet

they're into something that is too big to be

expressed through their clothes

and they'll put up with all the poses you'll throw

and you won't even know

that they're not sizing you up

they know your mom fucked you up

or maybe let you watch too much tv

but they'll still look in your eyes

to find the human inside

you know, there's always something in there to see

beneath the veneer

not everybody made the list this year

have a beer...

make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall

but there's always someone cooler than you

yeah, you're the shit but you won't be here for long

oh there's always someone cooler than you"

welcome

i've successfully failed at 2 other blogs/journals in my life, so maybe the 3rd time is a charm.  in the past my reasonings have been in the "i'm an open book, see?" realm.  thoughts about "truth" and "honesty."  at 26 i know we all distort the truth, not in a malicious way, but the mere fact that we can only reiterate our own perception of the truth, not truth itself.

i also don't feel like revealing every damn thing about myself, so i'm not going to.   i stumbled across my last blog, 4 years old now, and i realize that part of trying this out again is to gain perspective on my own life... probably now much more than in the past.  i realized a lot of things about myself have changed, but i also noticed many things are the same, some of which are almost sad to realize i haven't moved forward on.  you might get more about that later.  for the moment you just get an introduction, so enjoy.  there is no such thing as an uninteresting person, only another person uninterested.